Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to walk into the light

David Hasselhoff back in rehab. The best thing about this is the picture they used in the article. The caption should read: "Hasselhoff in happier times."

Wes Anderson is working on writing and planning to direct a stop-motion animated feature of Roald Dahl's "The Fantastic Mr. Fox." (via The Hollywood Reporter via Alisa). Seeing as how I'm not really a fan of anything animated, I'm not so excited about this news. Maybe I'll love it, b/c it's Wes. It's like when you have an ugly baby but you think it's cute. Does that make any sense?

I'm currently eating the best cookie ever.

I never said I was original. So yes, there will be many Britney's this Halloween. And yes, many will probably look more authentic than myself. But let me ask you this- how many will have the stepchild accessory? I happen to have hired a 2 yr old girl to walk around w/ me for the evening, to make my costume that more convincing/creative/humourous (thanks stereogum). I just hope I don't lose her once I start drinking (I wouldn't want to forfeit my deposit)...if I can lose a cell phone under the influence of alcohol, who's to say I can't lose a child?

There is nothing else I want to talk about right now.
R.

Googling for kicks

Oh the humanity! I'm so bored. Who else can I chat up on IM? Not everyone is responsive to my attempts at conversation.
Me: What are you doing?
Them: Nothing.
Me: I'm bored.
Them: Me too.
Me: Yeah.
And that's about it. See, I'm so bored I'm writing fake conversations that wouldn't be interesting if they were actually happening. Don't pity my pathetic nature. I'm quite content, or I would be, if I weren't so effing bored.

Tonight's Andy's big episode of "The Apprentice". I hope he doesn't f*ck up.

I decided to google my roommate, Ashley. Here is what I found:
1) She is a Freshman goal keeper for the Virginia Tech Hokies.
2) She is a Bakersfield High School senior who enjoys acting, forensics, dance and journalism.
"I'm crazy," [Ashley] said. "I can tell you that much. I'm always jumping down the hall, singing or dancing. People think I'm quiet, but when they get to know me, I'm crazy."
3) She is an equestrian for the Fresno State Bulldogs.
4) She is a Sierra High School speedster (aka runner).
"You can't beat her...She explodes out of the blocks really fast. After she gets out of the blocks, it's done."
5) She is a 14 yr old swimmer from Georgia who currently holds three world swimming records.

As for me, it's a bit more difficult since my name is synonymous w/ a certain late president. Actually, it's not synonymous. It's the same name. Exactly.

It's Metallica's birthday. Seriously. IMDB says so. It's also Justin Guarini's birthday.

And I'm out. Time to find something else to do.
Reagan

It's not quality it's quantity

IMDB news...."Ashlee Simpson has been praised by a drug company for raising the profile of acid-reflux disease". I'm laughing my a** off at this statment. Oh, but there's more:
"We believe that celebrities who talk about their experience with certain health conditions, such as acid reflux in this case, can help educate people on important health issues, as well as motivate people to talk to their doctors and get properly diagnosed and treated. We wish Ashlee Simpson the very best on her road to relief from acid reflux."
Yeah, like she's so noble to admit that she has acid reflux. It's just the opposite...she's so weak that she blamed the fact that she sucks as a singer on this condition. What, was throat cancer not an option? Maybe she can star in "And the Band Played on 2: Acid Redux" Oh man, I just cracked myself up. I'm sitting at my computer stiffling a laugh b/c of some lame joke I made.

So Jack and Bobby moved to Wed nights. And it didn't help ratings. I'm really hoping it was b/c of the World Series, though I don't really think they share the same audience. I really don't want it to get, dare I say, cancelled!!!

I just voted on the People's Choice Awards (you CAN make a difference- vote!) and was stumped when it came to the "Favorite Female Singer" category:
Sheryl Crow
Norah Jones
Avril Lavigne
Alicia Keys
Sarah McLachlan
Since "none of the above" was not a choice, I went w/ Norah Jones. B/c she's from Texas and the girl can sing. But frankly, I'm not a fan of any of these ladies. Especially not Avril. Hate the Avril. And when I think about it, there aren't many female singers I like. Why is that? Wait, Jenny Lewis. I like her. Actually I love her. I'm in love w/ her. I want to have her babies.

And that's it for now.
R.

I wished your love away

So Scrubs is kind of sucking lately. Well, not sucking like "According to Jim" or "Rodney" sucking, more like just not as good as it used to be sucking. It's getting a little too quirky, and that's never a good thing. I was however happy to hear Cary Brothers' "Honestly" played at the end of the episode. I wonder if he knows someone on the show??? (this is me being coy).

I watched a great movie last night called "Goodbye Lenin!". The entire time I could not figure out who the lead character reminded me of, then realized it was my friend Matt Bellamy. This revelation was not met w/ a "eureka!" but more an "oh." I'm sure you're response is "don't care."

Random David Brent quote: "If you have lost both legs and both arms just go 'at least I'm not dead'. Though I'd rather be dead in that situation to be honest- I'm not saying people like that should be put down. I'm saying that in my life I'd rather not live without arms and legs 'cos you know... I'm just getting into yoga. "

I've never looked more unattractive in my life that I do today.

Now I'm going to go off on a tangent. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm about to reach the quarter life mark and I have yet to experience a significant relationship. That's depressing. Not that I need a relationship to define me, but the sexual frustration is getting to me and making me crazy needy. I feel like going home, curling up on the couch, watching sad movies ("Terms of Endearment", "The Man in the Moon", for example) and just wallowing in my own self pity. It doesn't help that it's so ugly outside. I really have such an urge to feel things I haven't felt before. Happiness, sorrow, misery, angst...but w/ another person. Not just on my own. There's only one person I've ever known who can make my heart skip a beat w/ the littlest gesture...and email, persay...even if it's only a few words. Seriously, it could even be one word. Just the reply makes me happy. It makes me smile this smile I never really use. It's funny, but I feel better just writing this down. Like there's hope, like me verbalizing this will make this all the sillier when it does happen.

Okay, ladies, you must check out my virtual model. It's pretty accurate, from seeing my co-workers models they created. But I didn't think mine looked anything like me, I thought it looked better than me, and I grew a little jealous. Before I could begin to hate my virtual model, almost despise it's recent conception, my bosses told me that it did in fact look like me and complimented me on my cute figure, going as far as assuming that I wear a size 6. A 6!!! More like 6 times two. But hey, I can take a compliment :)
R.

You're toxic I'm slipping under

So yesterday as I already noted, I clicked on a link re: Lindsay Lohan being in the hospital and my computer freaked out. Well, as it happened, my prescious computer caught a bit of a virus, something called "trojan horse". The rest of the day sucked a** b/c I had no computer and nowhere to sit b/c the IT guy was at my desk all afternoon. Poor poor Reagan. But now I'm back. And I wouldn't say better than ever, but pretty much the same as I was before.

I tried on my halloween costume last night and realized there are changes to be made.
1) I cannot wear shorts quite as short as Britney likes to wear them. I have this thing about my a** hanging out that I'm just not that comfortable with. So I'll try again w/ another pair of old jeans I was just going to give to Goodwill. Who needs them more: the needy or me, who wants to dress up as Britney. The answer is obvious (me).
2) I cannot wear a wifebeater. Well, I could. But the one I bought is too tight and see through. I, Reagan, have a gut. A little one, but a gut nonetheless. If I can't stand the sight of myself standing up in that atrocity, how will I ever sit down? So I've decided to go the t-shirt route- cute and not too revealing. However, after drinking a few cocktails, I am sure I will gladly reveal what's underneath for someone moderately attractive who laughs at my jokes.
3) I wear glasses. Britney does not. It someone ruins the whole look to me, but there is nothing I can do about it. Hey y'all, do I look smart in these?
4) I still need a trucker hat. I know, this should be easy. It probably is. But I've looked one place and didn't find one so now I've given up all hope. Not really.

I can't believe that c*nt Ashlee Simpson is backtracking like a motha (that's "mother" in slang...got it?) I blamed my band b/c I was so f*cking embarrassed. I have acid reflux. I was tired. Maybe next time you should dis people who lip-synch in a magazine (not that I'm encourraging this, though it would help my music career), so then you don't have to eat your words. Of course, that might be a problem w/ your acid reflux and all.

More later. It's a slow day.
R.

Lindsay Lohan f*cked up my computer

Before I could post what I'm about to post, I tried to click on a link to find out why Lindsay Lohan is in the hospital...and now my computer is going nuts. Pop ups are coming up like crazy and I can't stop them. What is happening???

Anyway, who wants to hear about my weekend?

Friday- went to Justin's bday (80's theme=fun, always) then to Maryn's going away party (for a month...in Amarillo, TX...poor thing) and basically had good times and drank a lot. But just enough so that I still thought I was find to drive, which I realized I was not as I was about half way to my apt. And this is why I shouldn't be allowed to go places by myself, b/c I don't have someone else to tell me "Reagan, you are drunk. You should not drive." Hmmmm...I'm a little disappointed in myself.

Saturday- Went to pick Ashley up at the airport only to realize once I was there that her mother had already picked her up. I could only laugh about this, even though I hate the airport more than any other place on earth. Even the gynocolgist. But at least I used my 2 hour round trip to call some friends I hadn't spoken to in a while. Yes, always nice to play catch up. Here's how most conversations go:
Me: How are you?
Other person: Good, how are you?
Me: Good. What have you been up to?
Other person: Nothing really. Working. And you?
Me: Working.
And that's pretty much it. I don't really know where we go after that. I find that I'm always "up to" the same thing. Does this make me boring? I mean really, what kind of stories should I have to tell? I guess maybe about who I'm dating, but it's been so long since I've even like anyone in that respect that people have stopped asking. Poor me. Babysat (kid sat? they're technically not babies) that night for some extra cash and couldn't get the kids to go to bed when they were supposed to (9:45...it sucks being 10). I think I try to hard to be their friend so they don't take me seriously. I guess I should think too much on this one. Next time, I'll just spike their drinks w/ Nyquil.

Sunday- Slept in til 1 (yes, the day begun much like Saturday). Layed around on the couch watching tv. Went to the movies and saw "Undertow". I have to say, I love the slow lull of David Gordon Green's films (well, this and "All The Real Girls"...haven't seen "George Washington"- yet) b/c he creates more of a world that necessarily a story and it sucks me in. I mean, yes, there is a story, but I really just give a sh*t about his characters and that's something that I often find lacking in a lot of movies. I'm not one for movie reviews, I can never really express what I'm thinking and often sound stupid when I make the attempt. That's why I usually just stick to saying "loved it" or "hated it" kind of like the Men on Film from "In Living Color". Yep, that's me.

I almost have everything I need for my halloween costume. I can't believe wigs are so effing expensive. But I caved and bought a "good" one just b/c my experience w/ the $10 wig last year was not pleasant.
R.

I'm a bad ass girl in this messed up world*

Don't worry Ashlee, I can't sing either. Of course, I make that very clear anytime I karaoke, but then again, you're supposed to hear the tape. I couldn't not say anything about this for two reasons: 1) It's the big "story" of the weekend and 2) I hate her. Well, hate is a strong word. Let's just say that if I saw her on the street I would definitely stare (c'mon, I even stare at reality tv stars), but would definitely not smile. She'd feel the cold draft of my hatred at that point. Normally, I would feel embarrassed for her, after all she is just a young girl trying to make it in this crazy, messed up world (on the coattails of her prettier, more successful sister)....but then she had this to say on her official website, titled "Get your jabs in now":
Once i can get in contact with the webmaster, everythings getting deleted. It doesn't matter anyway, there's too many important people behind my career to stop it now.
Next up- Fame: Friend or Foe?

Last person in the world I'd ever want to give me advice- Nicole Richie. Of course, it's supposed to be aimed at adolescents. And what better gift from a mother to her daughter than advice on life from a "former" (the quotes indicate loose interpretation of the word former...in case you didn't catch that) druggie who doesn't technically do anything. Her literary agent described it as "kinda like a big sister's guide to life. How to deal with peer pressure and things like that, for girls." This is bullsh*t. There's no way it will be half as funny as "Confessions of a Heiress." Funniest. Book. Ever.

It's over Affleck. And Ms. Garner, you should get out while you can before he drags you down w/ him.

If you like practicing Kabbalah. (to be sung to the theme of "Pina Colada"...try it- it's fun!) It's the who's who of Kabblists...Britney rubbing elbows w/ Paris, Demi fraternizing w/ Madonna. And then there's Gywneth. Did I miss her conversion? Do you even have to convert or is it just poof, I'm a Kabbalist? As Emily says, Kabbalah is Judaism light. And I'm not a fan of anything light. (Diet Dr. Pepper doesn't taste a damn thing like real Dr. Pepper....liars!)
R.

*This is an actual, honest to god lyric from Simpson's song "Autobiography." Please....if she's a bad ass, then I'm a world famous juggler (and for those of you who know me, I can't juggle for sh*t)

Would you like to swing on a star?

Julia Roberts taking a 5 year hiatus from film.
Sure....I guarantee you this will not happen. That kid (I'm sorry, kids plural) will have a nanny and Jules will be back filming "Mona Lisa Smiles Again" or some other quirky romantic comedy quicker than you can say "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her" then inserting your finger into your throat in a gagging motion. So you see, I do want her to go away...believe you me, nothing would make me happier than to never hear her annoying laugh or look at her horse face again (that's right, I said horse face...and speaking of horses.) Just don't hold your breath, that's all I'm saying.

"Surviving Christmas" isn't so great. Shocker. Seriously, shocked.

Jay & Silent Bob on Degrassi. Well, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes. For 3 episodes. And I'm not even somewhat embarassed that I'm obsessed w/ a candian show about high school kids.

Jon Stewart on "60 Minutes". And we're ready for round two. Wait, this isn't a debate, it's a profile. Disregard boxing reference. But still, Jon could take him.

Happy Birthday to me. And what better way to celebrate than the season premiere of "The O.C." (ever notice how I go back and forth b/w using parentheses and italics to denote tv shows and films?) So to celebrate my impending 1/4 life crisis, I will watch people who are prettier than me, have more money than me (even Chino Ryan), but don't necessarily have more fun than me (anyone remember that trip to TJ?) Good times, indeed.
R.

I don't want a childhood. I want to be a ballet dancer.

So I tried to figure out how to upload pictures, but couldn't do it. We all know how long it took me to learn how to post links, I'm sure this will take time as well. Maybe it's for the better- god knows I'd probably just turn into a Fugging It Up knock off. Anyway, I can't post the picture I wanted, but instead you can check out Heath Ledger in the buff. As in naked. As in not wearing any clothes. Too bad the other guy in the picture is a stunt double for Jake G and not the love of my life himself. That would have been nice. Even though I fear that the stunt double may be for something other than the cliff jumping, if you know what I'm saying. Ouch, did I just insult Jake? You always hurt the ones you love.

Christina likes it rough. Her motto: "What's the point of holding back that side of your personality if it's horny and turns you both on?" Handcuffs? Bondage? Girl on Girl??? I wonder if this will change anything about that MTV documentary she's hosting on sexual abstinence. Teens (the ones who look to Ms. Aguilera for advice, aka "the misguided") must feel like they're being pulled in opposite directions: "Wait until you're married" vs. "F*ck your brains out."
"I'm a red-blooded women who doesn't feel guilty about making love. And it's only human nature to fulfill that need EVERY DAY if you can." Yes, every day. Or for some, every 6 months (laughing on the outside, crying on the inside).

Undertow. I want to see this. It opens this weekend. Hmmm...can I afford it?
R.

The rain is making me sleepy

And these pretzles are making me thirsty. Nevermind. But I do wish it would stop raining. I wear glasses and they tend to fog up in this weather. Also, my hair looks like sh*t.

Last night I saw Cary Brothers at the Knitting Factory. I'd never been there before, but will most likely go back b/c it meets my 3 requirments for a venue:
1) Relatively cheap drinks (not that I paid for them...thanks Blake)
2) Places to sit (I feel awkward standing...and I'm lazy)
3) Not too loud (but that might have been the crowd, CB fans aren't known for being overly rowdy, though one guy did shout "Cary for President"..oh man, hilarious)
But back to the show. I have to say, I don't particularly like the new girl singing w/ Cary (What happened to Rachel? Was it the annoying way she rocked out/convulsed on her stool?)...her voice didn't really harmonize well w/ his and it didn't sound natural- like when people try to sing like their British but they're actually from Boston. Nope, didn't care for her at all. And on a note having nothing to do w/ his music, Cary is pretty hot. Yeah, I'd tap that.

The phone has not rung once this morning. Seriously, not one time.

Tommy Lee has traded one Motley Crue for another. Okay, I'm not very creative. Leave me alone. But I will probably watch this show. And by probably, I mean definitely.

Check out Primer at the NuArt this Saturday. Good times.

Whatever happened to Richard Grieco? Just curious. Looks like he's still working on some great direct to video projects.

I love this song "Winter" by Joshua Radin. You should listen to it on his website. Really, you should. In fact, I think I will listen to it again right now.
R.

Just another reason to love Jon Stewart

Excerpt from Crossfire (via stereogum).

Maybe it's just me, but I'm a little turned on by Jon in this debate. It's his quick wit that really does it for me. Tucker, why don't you just tip your hat to Jon and call him your daddy (I'm now expanding my references to include baseball as well as pop culture).
R.

Picture me rollin'

Going to school is hard! I know MK, I know. I too skipped a class or two back in the day (in fact, I once skipped almost an entire semester...and then failed the class...lesson learned). But at least you have your billion dollar empire to fall back on. Thank god for that!

I was heartbroken to learn that pretty boy John was booted off "The Apprentice" last Thursday (I finally looked it up online yesterday since I missed the episode). The last thing we need is another pretty face out there on the streets...unemployed...beggging for money...crying. I had an Apprentice dream in which I met Raj and Andy. I can't believe it's come to this...dreaming about reality tv stars. Oy.

I don't know if this is the first show to be cancelled, but it's the first I've heard about...R.I.P. "Hawaii". Not that I watched it, but as an Eric Balfour fan, I mourn his loss.

I just have to share w/ you a little thing that just happened. So I go to IMDB to check out the news (which I always glance over but never actually read) and I start to read the first heading..."Diaz to fight topless...." and I just stop there. Okay, for a split second that's what I thought until I finished reading "...pictures in court." Yeah, so that happened. And speaking of Cammie, I think men who find her body attractive are secretly homosexual pedophiles, b/c truth be told, she has the body of a built 12 yr old boy.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KD and Jake G are back together. Why????

In DVD news (meaning DVD's I'm planning to buy) "Arrested Development" comes out today. Yes, I will buy this. Most definitely. I also want the first season of "Everwood" which I will be able to get at a discounted price through my good friend Mike K. Oh, the hours and hours of tv I will be watching...on DVD.
R.

Slow and steady wins the race

Da du dun, da du dun! (Rocky theme)

I am the poker champion of the world! (Or out of 8 peolple...and I share the title w/ Alisa...around 3 in the morning, when we could play no longer, we decided it best to split the pot). So I won $30. Which might not sound like much, but it was enough for me to buy a fast food breakfast, a pair of earrings, a poster and a frame, a strawberry/banana smoothie from Border's, $3 in parking at the promenade, a pack of cigarettes, a vanilla frappucinno, and still have $4 left. I wonder what I'll buy w/ my $4.....

Crap. I think I effed up at work. Please don't catch my mistake, please don't catch my mistake.

If there were an award for being a lazy a**, then I would have gotten my plaque on Saturday (or a trophy if the committee decided to splurge). I came home at 10 in the morning after passing out at Tom & Maryn's Friday night and I continued to lay on the couch all day long. Couldn't even get up to eat. Well, I could, but I didn't really have my heart in it. I made up for my waste of a day by being uber-active on Sunday....cleaning the apartment (two hours), returning clothes to Urban Outfitters & shopping a little (1.5 hours), visiting Grandpa (1 hour), seeing friend's play (3 hours), watching tv (2 hours), not feeling like I did absolutely nothing this weekend (priceless).

Britney Spears Halloween Party in Malibu. Wouldn't it be funny if I went to her party, dressed as white trash Britney, and we ran into each other and thought we were looking in the mirror, like in "Big Business"? I guess I'll never know, I have yet to receive my invitation.

Yours truly,
Reagan

And to my little sister Chrissy, for teaching me that life is nothing if you're not obsessed

As I was reading last week's In Touch this morning, two things caught my attention:

1) A new star has emerged on the brutally competitive American artistic scene. But get this- she's only 4 yrs old. That's not a typo- I did say 4 yrs old. And her paintings, which they describe as "abstract expressionism", are selling for as much as $6,000. If you've seen "Pecker", does this not remind you of the blind artist? Or is it just me? Full of grace! Full of grace!

I have to post an excerpt from the article (b/c I find it f*cking hilarious):

Marla Olmstead, The Early Years
In the womb, I did a lot of work with amniotic fluid on a canvas of stretched placenta. It was a difficult medium with which to work, what with the umbilical cord getting in the way. At that time, I hadn’t yet embraced abstract expressionism. Since I was kind of trapped in a confined space, it was hard to reject the use of formal structures.

2) Reba McEntire will design a line of women's clothing at Dilliard's (I didn't feel the need to post a link). I can only begin to imagine the plaids. The horror! Everytime I see that commercial w/ Reba and Leann Rhimes, I make some comment about how much I would hate to be in that car. To think, when I was a child of about 8 or so, I had a Reba tape and "Cathy's Clown" was my favorite of all the songs. Oh, how I loved that song! (I just dedicated a paragraph to talking about Reba...I'm a little embarassed...and by a little, I mean a lot).

Last night I saw Kathy Griffin at The Laugh Factory. I know, a lot of people find her annoying, but I'm not one of them. Okay, sometimes I am. But most of the time I think she's a riot. And last night, she had me laughing so hard, several times I clapped my hands together. Matt- "THANK YOU" for inviting me and amusing me everytime you said "that's so true" after one of her inciteful yet funny comments.

I'm ready for poker night...tonight. Texas Hold 'Em- tournament style. And I'm determined to win. I will win. Watch out for my victorious post on Monday.

Ashley's leaving tomorrow to go to Cabo. I'm jealous (me...jealous...never!). I'm also sad b/c I will be alone all week. And for the rest of my life.
R.

And another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust

It's official: hardcore evidence that Paris Hilton hates black people! According to the article, she also "puts down Jews and other minorities, too". Does the hate ever end? All this gossip care of the man behind the Mischa, oil heir Brandon Davis. So what publication does he turn to w/ his story? The National Enquirer. Yep, just one step above The Weekly World News and one below In Touch, the same magazine that outed the New Kids and broke my heart many years ago.

Moving on (I don't think anything Brandon Davis has to say warrants an in depth discussion), but still speaking of Hilton...the one who's not Paris- some things just weren't meant to be. Three signs that this wasn't going to work:
1) You got married in Vegas.
2) Bijou Phillips was in your wedding party.
3) Your sister is a whore (both media and in the usual sense)*
*Doesn't necessarily have anything to do w/ your marriage, but is just a strike against you in general

Looks like Kirsten D's next film might be something along the lines of Dunst Gone Wild, to be distributed via the internet. I kid of course, but seriously KD, what are you thinking hanging around that goon (that's right, I said goon) Rick Soloman? He's no good, baby. Oh wait, why do I care? I hate you.

And in Jake G. news- he attended the R.E.M. concert last night. I wasn't there, but someone I know saw him and relayed the info back to me. I sighed w/ regret that I'm not enough of an R.E.M. fan to actually attend their concert- this could have been the moment we locked eyes and he said, "Stop following me".. I mean, "I love you."

I burned a copy of the new Rilo Kiley album. Love it. Want to make out w/ Jenny Lewis. And possibly other band members, if they'd be up for it.
R.

Literally the most pointless post ever

Random excerpt from a conversation during my lunch w/ Alisa (not verbatim):

Alisa: Wanna know what I watched the other day that was really good?
Reagan: Can I guess?
Alisa: Sure
Reagan: Veronica Mars?
Alisa: (Staring at Reagan as if she's an idiot) No....
Reagan: Oh. (Uncomfortable pause)
Alisa: Yeah.

She was actually talking about "City of God"(which for the record is really good). I don't know why I guessed the way I did...I just thought it was one of those moments that would actually go a little like this:

Alisa: Wanna know what I watched the other day that was really good?
Reagan: Can I guess?
Alisa: Sure.
Reagan: Veronica Mars?
Alisa: Oh my god, how did you know?
Reagan: It's a gift. I just felt it.

Wow. It's now so boring at work I'm creating fake conversations. If I'm going to do that, I might as well make it interesting, add in a tawdry affair b/w myself and someone I obsess over. But that would be pathetic, right? I mean, I was just kidding, I wouldn't really do something like that.
R.

The Republic of Texas

Mary Kay + Villi = Love Forever.
MK told Larry King "she didn't know that having sex with a sixth-grader was a felony." Doesn't that eliminate malice aforethought? Doesn't that prove that the woman is mentally unstable, not a criminal? (wherein a mental institution might have been the preferred form on rehabilitation as opposed to prison time). Honestly, can we really put her in the same category as R. Kelly? I don't know why this woman fascinates me...I've never seen crazy like this. Or have I...maybe I just can't remember, I did watch a lot of tv movies based on actual events in my earlier years.

And now for an excerpt from an email forwarded to me from a friend in Texas...I promise, we're not all like this:

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to Secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of1848). We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too. (there's much more, but I'll just give you the intro)*

I honestly love Texas, I do. It's where I spent 23 years of my life, it's where my parents live and many of my friends, and I can't say that I'd be the same wonderful/amazing/incredible person if it hadn't been for my formative years spent in the Lonestar State. I especially love Austin b/c it's much more open minded and diverse than the rest of Texas (particularly the small town I grew up in where people toss around racial slurs w/ the defense that "it's like calling white people 'white trash'"). This email brought to my attention that during this election, I have yet to come across someone who so blindly and proudly supports Bush, mainly b/c everyone I know is either for Kerry or against Bush (same difference). And w/ the prescence of Leonardo DiCaprio pushing Kerry for pres, I tend to forget that Reba wants you to vote for Bush. Frankly, it makes me happy that I'm not voting in Texas where I would honestly feel like my vote didn't matter. Because it wouldn't. And on a completely different note, I'm a little pissed that Britney Spears has taken the contraction "y'all" and ruined it forever.
R.

*To the friend who forwarded me the email...I'm not trying to disrespect you, but we definitely have a difference of opinion.

I hear that

Things I Heart:
1. Family Bonds
2. Desperate Housewives
3. The Flea Market at Melrose/Fairfax
4. My new raise
5. My new shoes *(After a friend of a co-worker commented that I had nice legs and needed to wear sexy shoes, I went out and bought some strappy/tall/hot heels that I have to walk very slowly in so as not to bust a**....thus doubling the time it takes me to walk to the fax machine, but damn if I don't look good)

I can't believe it's been so long since I've seen a movie in the theaters. For being a self-proclaimed film afficianado due to pure volume of films watched and ability to remember almost every film of a majority of actors/actresses, I've become a bit of a slacker. When asked by my aunt and uncle, who see at least a movie a week and usually something foreign or pretentious or both, what I've seen lately, I had to reply w/ "Garden State" (which I saw two days before it opened on July 28th...and it's now October!). I could have brought up the fact that I watched "Win a Date w/ Tad Hamliton" on Saturday, but decided to keep that one to myself.

And speaking of movies...I want to encourage everyone to see Primer...not b/c I can personally recommend, having not yet seen the film, but b/c it won the Sundance Grand Jury Prize and the filmmaker, Shane Carruth, is a nice guy. Two good reasons, no? Oh, and he's from Texas...Remember the Alamo! Plus, he looks pretty damn hot is his Inteview mini-spread... I should have made my move when we watched "Old School" over a year ago, before success made him suddenly more desireable and that more unattainable. Rule #1 in life: Famous people are better looking than regular people.

I found this article on Tom Welling vs. Ian Sommerhalder v. amusing. I can definitely identify, being one who is often attracted to actors/civilians who would be considered "man pretty".

I literally just responded to an assistant, who was complaining over IM to me that no one tells her anything in her office, w/ the lame comment, "Ha ha...I hear that." First of all, the "ha ha" was a fake laugh and a little inappropriate- I mainly use it when I don't have anything to say. As for the "I hear that"...frankly, I'm a little disappointed in myself. Maybe it sounds worse in my head.
R.

I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly

If I were famous and some paparazzo had taken a picture of me, I would surely earn a spot on Fugging it Up today. Most definitely w/ a clever headline..."She's Sweet, but She's Fugged Up".

It's not the outfit itself (the skirt does scream "Please don't let the 80's resurgence die!" while the shirt is but an innocent participant) but the way it looks on the the subject (re: me). I won't take this time to insult myself (I don't want that familiar roll of the eyes), but I'll just say that I've looked better.

This weekend, I will make myself beautiful. I will get a haircut that doesn't make my head look like it wasn't cut by a blind retarded 6 yr old. I will paint my nails, so as to avoid biting them. I will use lotion before I go to bed and place cucumbers on my eyes so as to be pro-active about aging* (highly unlikely). I will find clothes that accentuate my good body parts (below the knee) and hide the bad (mid-section). I will adorn myself w/ jewlery so as to draw attention to my neck (this is sexy, no?) And I will do yoga.

I'm booking my trip for Theresa's wedding today. It's not until late January, but seeing as how prices have already risen $20 since yesterday, I better act fast. So this will be wedding #3...and wedding #4 will be in May. I'm still in the majority (meaning: singletons) but I wonder when this will change? At what point will I actually have to buy a man-shaped body pillow out of desperation and lack of hope?
R.

So that is that and this is this

Queer Eye for a Culkin. I tried to make that clever, but it didn't really work out. I mean, really- it doesn't even rhyme. Okay...so this is gossip/hearsay, but I thought I'd post it anyway. I'm not an advocate for the truth...just the truth as I see it (which usually goes w/ whatever version is funnier). I could care less if he likes the men, I just feel sorry for poor little Mila- don't worry sweetheart, you didn't turn him gay-the seed was planted long ago (you know what I'm talking about, MJ). *it's like I'm not even trying

In other news not having to do w/ his sexuality, Mac will be on "Celebrity Poker Showdown" October 24th. Can't wait. I wonder what he's like in real life...and this is the closest I feel like I will get to having any idea.

If you can't wait till the 24th, Tournament 4: Game 1 will be on October 10th- the players are as follows:

Christopher Meloni
Matthew Perry
Stephen Root
Sarah Silverman
Micheal Vartan

I'm most excited to see Vartan, b/c he is easy on the eyes. Sarah is always a hit or miss for me- sometimes she's hilarious and sometimes the jokes fall so flat I grimace. Love Stephen Root...here's my favorite Bill Dauterive line:
"No, absolutement, no!" (Maybe you know it, maybe you don't)
And Matthew Perry and that Meloni guy...eh.

So...my afternoon is looking bleak as usual. Whatever will I do w/ my time.
R.

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I never thought I'd say this, but I have to agree w/ P. Diddy.
$35,000 a month in child support is a bit ridiculous, don't you think? Diddy's lawyer stated, "This is not about child support, it's about adult support." I mean, what is his baby's momma buying the child- gold encrusted school book covers? So now I know how I can get rich w/o actually doing anything...I'll just get someone who's already rich to knock me up. Yes, this is a brilliant plan.

Don't feed the Affleck. To quote the article: "Ben even found time for a quick scratch 'downstairs' as he ambled onto his driveway." What a polite way to put it.

I was just thinking about this (after talking to Emily)...but who would have ever thought that Marky Mark would turn out to be a good actor? I mean, at the time he was singing Good Vibrations and posing in his skivvies (sp?). First there was "Boogie Nights"...then "Three Kings"...and now, according to various sources (meaning people who have seen the movie, unlike myself) "I Heart Huckabees". Mark- you've come a long way since "Fear"- Nicole, 4-eva!

And now for an "ugh" I've said before...the receptionist is not here and I'm being forced to answer the phones. Well, not forced, but I'm "helping out." Taking one for the team. Why do I have to be such a martyr?
R.

9. She is passionate about something other than him

When looking up the book He's Just Not That Into You on amazon (via Modern Age), I noticed under the "customers who bought this item also bought these items" a book titled: Why Men Love Bitches. Please never let my life be so sad that I turn to books like these. Though the former may be a favorite saying of mine (rejection is a dish best served w/a side of defensive reasoning), the latter makes me want to find the author, one Sherry Argov, and stab her in the forehead w/ her high heels. Or at least take the lipstick out of her purse and write mean things on it. Maybe her next book should be titled How to not be yourself so that you can finally find a man who will love you. It might be too long...we should add a colon in there somewhere.

Check out the 10 Reasons Men Love Bitches...here's my favorite:
5. She doesn't let him see her sweat.
She keeps communication from getting messy and avoids communicating when upset. When she clears her head, she is succinct and speaks in a "bottom line" way.
Hmmm...sounds like the way one would handle a child...."Bobby, you know I don't like it when you leave your toys out. Now I've thought about this and the best way to remedy the situation is to withhold sex for a week. End of discussion." What an exciting, passionate relationship!

I guess I just really hate that so many women rely on these books as a means for coping w/ heartache, lonliness, etc. I think they all have to do w/ changing to fit someone else's ideals of how things/people should be. That's why I'm not a fan of therapy, b/c who says I'm not supposed to cry when I get mad? Why is that "wrong"? I digress...maybe I do need to follow #8. She places a high value on herself. But I'll (hopefully) figure this one out on my own, no thanks to you Sherry Argov!
R.

***I'm bored therefore I rant. Just had to put that out there- b/c there's a distinct possibilty this doesn't make much sense.

Can you hear me? I don't want this anymore! I want to call it off!

Just when I thought I was going to give it all up and walk away, I find that without it, I turn to other obsessive behaviors, such as checking my email incessantly, IM'ing people constantly, and searching IMDB for 80's movies and clicking on actors to see what they're up to now. If I continue on this path, I will certainly lose my mind- no doubt.

So, Elton John has been a little bitchy lately, no? First the
"vile pigs" remark and now he's accusing Madonna of lip-synching. Is this anyway for a "Sir" to behave? Maybe a "Mister" or an "Esquire" but surely not a "Sir". I found it quite hilarious that Madonna's publicist responded that he "remains on her Christmas card list whether he is nice... or naughty." Or as Madge stated: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but I'm rich as hell and don't care." Nothing like a good old fashioned cat fight...rearrrr!
R.

Will this week ever end!!!!

It's only Tuesday and I'm already thinking about the weekend. That's not a good sign. I told myself I would stop blogging so I could focus on work 100%. Become the bestest employee in the whole world. But now I'm bored, no one will talk to me (over IM of course) and I don't know what to do w/ myself. So I'm going to list my plans for the week.

Tuesday:
"Right, off we go then..." at the Comedy Underground. It's an hour of genuine British comedy sketches (pre-Python, pre-Bean, mind you). I have no idea that means, that's the only British comedy I know. Oh, and "The Office".

Wednesday:
Watching tv at Jenny & Leia's place. Even though these girls live 5 minutes from me, I only see them about once a month. This is sad and changes must be made. So, we'll do what we would be doing at our respective apartments, but together- watch television. I believe "Lost" and "The Bachelor" are on the menu.

Thursday:
Screening of Dirty Deeds. Described as "An American Pie-like teen comedy ". Hmmm...I did like "American Pie". The first one at least. I watched a bit of "American Wedding" this weekend, and god, was it awful. They had to know while they were filming that it was a piece of sh*t.

Friday:
Going to a play...Posing as People. Looks interesting, at least from the reviews I've read. Plus, I get to go for free. Free=I'm in.

Saturday:
Getting a much needed haircut. I don't know what I want to do w/ this unruly mess of hair, but basically I just want to get it cut so it doesn't look ugly. Is that too much to ask?

Sunday:
Nothing as of yet.

And that's it. That's my week. Oh, I did yoga for the second time last night and lasted twice as long. Watch out, Madonna!
R.

These boots were made for walkin'

There were these boots I saw at Nine West last week and I thought I might die if I didn't have them. With no money (shocker), I had to move on...longingly looking over my shoulder as they vanished in the distance. But with my new raise (did I forget to mention that?) I'm ready to buy something I don't really need but think I want. So I went to their website to try to find a pair (boredome makes me do crazy things). Alas, either they didn't really exist (I had been shopping for a while...I was parched...was it my imagination?) or the website does not accurately portray their beauty (pictures can be deceiving...I can't possibly be as ugly as I tend to look in photographs)....either way, I'm not finding them. But I did find another pair of boots that caught my eye...and not in a good way. If I had a choice b/w these and Uggs, I think I'd go barefoot. No, I definitely would go barefoot. They call the boots "Wyome" which I can only assume means "hideously ugly" in whatever native language they stole the name from. Nine West, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
R.

I Heart Jessi Klein

Check out Jessi Klein's presidential debate blog. Hilarious.

I have no clue what I feel like doing tonight. Does this seem repetetive? Didn't I say this same thing yesterday? Sure, it's not even lunchtime yet, but I'm fixating on making plans for the gradually approaching evening. Movie? Maybe....let's check out my options.

1) DiG!
I like the documentaries, unless they try to be too educational, like talking about Chernobyl and sh*t (I kid...don't want to come off as insensitive, not my style). I've never listened to the Brian Jonestown Massacre, but have been a fan of the Dandy's for a while. Should be interesting...

2) I Heart Huckabees
A movie about existential detectives...might just be crazy enough to work. It's got a great cast and director (if you haven't seen "Flirting w/ Disaster"...you should) but what if it's too "out there" for me. I don't want to have to lie and say I liked it when in fact I didn't really get it ("Waking Life").

3) Ladder 49
I love Joaquin, but don't like Travolta. I'm torn. Oh wait, this movie doesn't look interesting to me. I've made my decision- pass.

4) Shark Tale
Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I just can't get into animated movies. I guess I'm just too mature.

5) Criminal
John C. Reilly. Diego Luna. Maggie Gyllenhaal. I'm in.

So even if I decide to see a movie, I don't know what I want to see. Either option 1, 2, or 5. Or I could go to a bar. I have no money, so that's probably not the best idea. I tend to go balls out at bars....w/ no regard for how much money I have in the ol' banking account. Did I just say "balls out"?

Queer Eye for the Macedonian Guy. Article on "Alexander"...again, I just liked the title...they pose the question, is it too bisexual or not bisexual enough? Interesting query...what do y'all (or as Britney writes- ya'll) think?
R.

And we're back...ready for round two

So I made it home from work in enough time to watch the last 1/2 hour of the presidential debates. I'm not going to wax political here, b/c frankly, my opinion isn't worth reading. I mean, what can I say, I use "The Daily Show" as my news source (although we are known to ace political quizzes :) I can't imagine what these undecided people must be thinking...I don't know what it's like to be in that position. I think it would feel something like a tug of war, especially w/ each side attacking the other rather than focusing on issues. I personally can't see how any person who's on the fence could be leaning towards Dubya after last night. Presidential plans aside...the man can't form a sentence. He's like a deer in headlights...that's really who I want to be leader of the free world, someone who can't reply to a question that he's been preparing months to answer. So in the end, John Kerry emerged victoriously. The borderline retard I like to call Georgie didn't have a chance.
R.